You know what I love. Hearing from old friends, out of the blue, on Facebook!
You know what I hate? When those stupid dicks are only sending me a quick note to catch up because they've decided to start selling some stupid pyramid scheme crap out of their home.
No, you don't "own your own business."
You are just selling someone else's shit to everyone you know until everyone you know has bought everything and is tired of it. At which point, you close down and start selling some other kind of shit. Meanwhile, the people on top of you are making money off you and your friends. Why don't you just start a Go Fund Me page and keep the profits for yourself? Or, why don't you just fuck the hell off?
OK, too strong.
I'm not saying all of these network marketing things are terrible. I buy certain products all the time from a few people. Because I do happen to like it, and they were smart enough to get into a selling something that is consumable AND competitively priced. So yeah. I've bought jewellery (though I maxed out on my needs there pretty fast. Which is probably why the company itself shut down and started selling other crap!!) And candles (no one sells those anymore?) and scented wax and spices.
BUT please. Don't come at me like you miss my happy, sunshiny disposition, then immediately start trying to sell me shit. It's gross. And annoying. Invite me to your stupid party if you want. I'll come over and drink your wine and eat your food, sure. I may even buy something, if I like it. But email me a catalogue? No thanks. You suck.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
FHRITP?
So, this is a thing? That's funny? Where have I been? And ugh, what a yappy little Chihuahua. Yup, just the kind of man-baby is exactly the type who makes me want to puke.
Hey, you know what's awesome - the pure beauty of wrongful dismissal? I can fire anyone I want, for any reason. I just may have to pay them some nice severance if I'm wrong. But they still don't get to work for me anymore if I say so.
Honestly, junior, you're easily replaced. But the value you bring by being fired? It would take massive amounts of advertising and branding strategy dollars to get the brand recognition firing that guy brought. For the cost of a small severance package, Hydro One is now known as a harassment-free workplace, committed to a safe and fair workplace for everyone.
Yeah! Worth every penny! Honestly, it's the kind of thing companies should almost consider fabricating. No one watches commercials anymore. But we all read the internet…
Oh, and also, I exist on my own, as a human being, beyond the context of my relationship with a male. I am not your wife, your sister, your mother. I am ME. I am a woman. And that is enough.
Because I am a woman, I do, in fact, get to tell you what's offensive to me, as a woman. You don't get to tell me. Go mansplain racism to Morgan Freeman. Or homophobia to George Takei. I've got feminism covered just fine, friend.
Hey, you know what's awesome - the pure beauty of wrongful dismissal? I can fire anyone I want, for any reason. I just may have to pay them some nice severance if I'm wrong. But they still don't get to work for me anymore if I say so.
Honestly, junior, you're easily replaced. But the value you bring by being fired? It would take massive amounts of advertising and branding strategy dollars to get the brand recognition firing that guy brought. For the cost of a small severance package, Hydro One is now known as a harassment-free workplace, committed to a safe and fair workplace for everyone.
Yeah! Worth every penny! Honestly, it's the kind of thing companies should almost consider fabricating. No one watches commercials anymore. But we all read the internet…
Oh, and also, I exist on my own, as a human being, beyond the context of my relationship with a male. I am not your wife, your sister, your mother. I am ME. I am a woman. And that is enough.
Because I am a woman, I do, in fact, get to tell you what's offensive to me, as a woman. You don't get to tell me. Go mansplain racism to Morgan Freeman. Or homophobia to George Takei. I've got feminism covered just fine, friend.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
The Third Way?
I just watched a video about how the Church (Catholic) loves homosexuals. But, you know, chaste ones. The essence of the video was just that - yes, some are born same-sex oriented. And that is ok, as long as you ignore those urges and live a life of chastity. Because it's ok to be gay, as long as you aren't having sex. Because sex is purely for procreation, and gays can't procreate.
Um, neither can Christians who've had vasectomies. Or Christians who just plain can't have children. Soooooo…? Huh?
Mostly, I just kept noticing that one of the preacher dudes was pretty hot. But you know - in like a deep, friendship kind of way.
I dunno. I'd be on board with some of what they were saying if they were talking pedophiles or something. Some desires do need to be ignored. And I don't think anyone chooses to be a pedophile. I think it's a deep psychological issue that needs to be addressed and fixed. If possible. Obviously, an issue well outside my understanding or background. I'm an English major, for pete's sake. But yeah. Pedophilia is obviously one desire that needs to be denied in any and every way. I think we all agree on that. Though I do believe that generally - and correct me if I'm wrong - pedophilia is the result of huge psychological trauma. So, correcting that trauma is about the only way to correct the desire, I'd imagine. I'm pretty sure simply finding God and living a chaste life of love won't do it? I don't even know if there is enough actual "therapy" that can fix an issue like that. The mother in me says we should just round 'em up and shoot 'em. I'm not going to lie to you.
But, back to the original topic… Oh, no wait. Let me sidebar. Interestingly, I think all of the homosexuals I know have been sexually abused in their childhood. No, I'm retracting the "all" statement. All statements just cause people to freak the fuck out. But I sure know a lot of gay people who have been assaulted in childhood. And maybe it's that age old thing: Correlation is not causation. I get that. But it does seem to be something a lot of people have in common there. So… yeah. What do I know. Again, English major. The human condition is pretty damn complex. I don't think the Bible really covers it all. Or, half of it. Or a quarter. Or…
Where was I?
Right. That video. Homosexuals. Church. Chastity. Hmmmmm. I am just not sure about the stance: "being gay is ok, it's acting on it sexually that is a sin."
I know that as a church, we frown upon any sexual relationships that are outside the church's view on marriage as God intended. So yeah, we so frown upon the common-law hetrosexual - or anyone having straight sex outside of marriage. Even the Catholic sexers, I presume? BUT what bugs me about that is that the hetro sinner can "repent" and marry their fuck buddy. Then all is forgiven. But in the eyes of the church, that will just never be an option for the homosexual. Is that really OK? I don't know. It doesn't feel ok, to me. And it seems like a ridiculous comparison to make.
Here's the other part: What about people who are barren? They aren't living marriage as God intended, with procreation and all. Or, what about people who are born with both organs? Hermaphrodite? We can't deny that happens - rarely, perhaps. But it does. So, are they living a sinful life? When? When they sexually behave as women? Or as men? They aren't choosing to have both, they were born that way. So, how do they avoid being sinners?
Hey, is it possible that maybe some people are born same-sex attracted, just as some are born with both genders? Maybe, just maybe, the bible forgot to cover all the bases? I don't recall, off hand, any mention of Downs Syndrome in there. So, are we to assume they are also sinners, since they aren't living "God's perfect plan?" Of course not. That's offensive! Right!! So, maybe, just maybe, there is a reality that includes everyone in the perfect plan???
So at the end of the day, I have concerns about the people who are applauding this video and sharing it with their kids. But then on the other hand, I'm kind of glad to see Christians approach homosexuality with a little more grace and love and compassion. I mean, a lot of it is still hugely misguided, for sure! But it beats the hell out of a bunch of assholes marching around carrying their "God hates homos" placards.
Right?
Um, neither can Christians who've had vasectomies. Or Christians who just plain can't have children. Soooooo…? Huh?
Mostly, I just kept noticing that one of the preacher dudes was pretty hot. But you know - in like a deep, friendship kind of way.
I dunno. I'd be on board with some of what they were saying if they were talking pedophiles or something. Some desires do need to be ignored. And I don't think anyone chooses to be a pedophile. I think it's a deep psychological issue that needs to be addressed and fixed. If possible. Obviously, an issue well outside my understanding or background. I'm an English major, for pete's sake. But yeah. Pedophilia is obviously one desire that needs to be denied in any and every way. I think we all agree on that. Though I do believe that generally - and correct me if I'm wrong - pedophilia is the result of huge psychological trauma. So, correcting that trauma is about the only way to correct the desire, I'd imagine. I'm pretty sure simply finding God and living a chaste life of love won't do it? I don't even know if there is enough actual "therapy" that can fix an issue like that. The mother in me says we should just round 'em up and shoot 'em. I'm not going to lie to you.
But, back to the original topic… Oh, no wait. Let me sidebar. Interestingly, I think all of the homosexuals I know have been sexually abused in their childhood. No, I'm retracting the "all" statement. All statements just cause people to freak the fuck out. But I sure know a lot of gay people who have been assaulted in childhood. And maybe it's that age old thing: Correlation is not causation. I get that. But it does seem to be something a lot of people have in common there. So… yeah. What do I know. Again, English major. The human condition is pretty damn complex. I don't think the Bible really covers it all. Or, half of it. Or a quarter. Or…
Where was I?
Right. That video. Homosexuals. Church. Chastity. Hmmmmm. I am just not sure about the stance: "being gay is ok, it's acting on it sexually that is a sin."
I know that as a church, we frown upon any sexual relationships that are outside the church's view on marriage as God intended. So yeah, we so frown upon the common-law hetrosexual - or anyone having straight sex outside of marriage. Even the Catholic sexers, I presume? BUT what bugs me about that is that the hetro sinner can "repent" and marry their fuck buddy. Then all is forgiven. But in the eyes of the church, that will just never be an option for the homosexual. Is that really OK? I don't know. It doesn't feel ok, to me. And it seems like a ridiculous comparison to make.
Here's the other part: What about people who are barren? They aren't living marriage as God intended, with procreation and all. Or, what about people who are born with both organs? Hermaphrodite? We can't deny that happens - rarely, perhaps. But it does. So, are they living a sinful life? When? When they sexually behave as women? Or as men? They aren't choosing to have both, they were born that way. So, how do they avoid being sinners?
Hey, is it possible that maybe some people are born same-sex attracted, just as some are born with both genders? Maybe, just maybe, the bible forgot to cover all the bases? I don't recall, off hand, any mention of Downs Syndrome in there. So, are we to assume they are also sinners, since they aren't living "God's perfect plan?" Of course not. That's offensive! Right!! So, maybe, just maybe, there is a reality that includes everyone in the perfect plan???
So at the end of the day, I have concerns about the people who are applauding this video and sharing it with their kids. But then on the other hand, I'm kind of glad to see Christians approach homosexuality with a little more grace and love and compassion. I mean, a lot of it is still hugely misguided, for sure! But it beats the hell out of a bunch of assholes marching around carrying their "God hates homos" placards.
Right?
Friday, May 1, 2015
My kid… totally kicking your kid's ass.
Heh.
I'm only kinda of joking. I am pretty proud of her. It's a good little story. And I LOVE that she sat at the table and wrote the thing over the course of a few weeks. It's pretty awesome. She's pretty awesome.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Step Monster. From Hell.
I am pretty much obsessed with that monster Marie Magoon. I honestly just want her to die. Slow. Painful. I want to tear and rip and smash that bitch into about a million pieces. While she's awake, naturally. So we'd have to start with extremities and stuff… Oh, yeah. I've thought about it. A LOT. I am enraged that anyone could do what she - they - did to that baby girl. Precious little girl.
Then there is that fucking father. It is kind of weird how much less he's been in the news than the STEPmother. Which is something I'll address in a minute. But it's fascinating how we are so much harder on her (she is NOT that angel's mother, by the way) than we are on the dad. It's ridiculous, especially considering he's the one who ultimately killed the child. Piece of shit.
No, really. What kind of piece of shit punches his daughter as hard as he can???? I mean, that's just one small part of it all. But to see that video confession… enraging. And a father who allows - NO, participates in her endless abuse? That poor little angel. Fuck you, Spencer Jordan. There is no story, no excuse, no anything that makes this ok on any level at all. You suck at life. And I hear prison is going to be very, very hard for you. So, my advice? You should probably just kill yourself. But do it slowly. Maybe you could videotape it? That would be great. But really, no need for you to continue to live. You are garbage. Just save yourself the agony of prison and die. I look forward to the tax savings.
Actually, that goes for that bitch, too. You should kill yourself, too. Quickly. Because if I am this angry at you, I wonder what the mothers who are in jail are thinking?
Speaking of mothers, it would be super if the media - who are a bunch of idiots at the best of times - would quit calling her that baby's mother. She is not her mother. That child has a mother. A mother who is alive and missing her baby and can never, ever have her back. Screwing a baby's father does not make you a mother. Neither does slapping, punching, hitting, or burning a child. A piece of shit? Yes. A mother? No. There is way more to it than just kinda being around when a child needs a punch in the face.
Ugh. Fuck you both. You sicken me.
Then there is that fucking father. It is kind of weird how much less he's been in the news than the STEPmother. Which is something I'll address in a minute. But it's fascinating how we are so much harder on her (she is NOT that angel's mother, by the way) than we are on the dad. It's ridiculous, especially considering he's the one who ultimately killed the child. Piece of shit.
No, really. What kind of piece of shit punches his daughter as hard as he can???? I mean, that's just one small part of it all. But to see that video confession… enraging. And a father who allows - NO, participates in her endless abuse? That poor little angel. Fuck you, Spencer Jordan. There is no story, no excuse, no anything that makes this ok on any level at all. You suck at life. And I hear prison is going to be very, very hard for you. So, my advice? You should probably just kill yourself. But do it slowly. Maybe you could videotape it? That would be great. But really, no need for you to continue to live. You are garbage. Just save yourself the agony of prison and die. I look forward to the tax savings.
Actually, that goes for that bitch, too. You should kill yourself, too. Quickly. Because if I am this angry at you, I wonder what the mothers who are in jail are thinking?
Speaking of mothers, it would be super if the media - who are a bunch of idiots at the best of times - would quit calling her that baby's mother. She is not her mother. That child has a mother. A mother who is alive and missing her baby and can never, ever have her back. Screwing a baby's father does not make you a mother. Neither does slapping, punching, hitting, or burning a child. A piece of shit? Yes. A mother? No. There is way more to it than just kinda being around when a child needs a punch in the face.
Ugh. Fuck you both. You sicken me.
Hey parents, try not to be a dick.
Yes, tagline totally stolen from some awesome blogger out there. But she doesn't own the term dick, so I'm stealing it. Mwahaha!
Anyway, have you ever noticed that some parents are just total dicks? I sure have. Probably because I keep putting myself in the line of fire. Why? I don't know. I enjoy kids. I guess that's my mistake. I often think it's a good idea to interact with kids… and I forget that some kids are being raised by assholes. And that when you interact with said kid, you're gonna meet an asshole.
I am just that stupid.
I suppose that means I need to quit the kid thing. I am 42 years old. Getting schooled by some snotty 26 year old bitch is just beyond me. Sorry your kid is acting like a brat. Sorry I told him it was time to go. It's my class, lady. I make the rules here. You don't want your kid to encounter rules? Then keep him at home and YOU fucking deal with him all day. Leave me out of your freakshow.
But since you did bring precious jonny here, please understand he's just one more precious child in a room full of precious children. And the rules are the same for each precious little one. Yes, they are precious.
You, however, are a complete bitch. And I'd like to punch you in the throat.
No, seriously. Parents, please take note. If you never want anyone to ever tell your child anything about rules or when it's time to do stuff, KEEP THEM HOME!!! It's not that we don't want to see the kids. We do. They can learn; they'd do fine if you'd let them. It's you we don't want to deal with. You are the one who ruins our day, who makes jobs with kids suck. Who sucks the life out of every good day ever had in child-care land. Ugh. You suck. Stay home!
Or fuck off. I'm cool, either way.
Anyway, have you ever noticed that some parents are just total dicks? I sure have. Probably because I keep putting myself in the line of fire. Why? I don't know. I enjoy kids. I guess that's my mistake. I often think it's a good idea to interact with kids… and I forget that some kids are being raised by assholes. And that when you interact with said kid, you're gonna meet an asshole.
I am just that stupid.
I suppose that means I need to quit the kid thing. I am 42 years old. Getting schooled by some snotty 26 year old bitch is just beyond me. Sorry your kid is acting like a brat. Sorry I told him it was time to go. It's my class, lady. I make the rules here. You don't want your kid to encounter rules? Then keep him at home and YOU fucking deal with him all day. Leave me out of your freakshow.
But since you did bring precious jonny here, please understand he's just one more precious child in a room full of precious children. And the rules are the same for each precious little one. Yes, they are precious.
You, however, are a complete bitch. And I'd like to punch you in the throat.
No, seriously. Parents, please take note. If you never want anyone to ever tell your child anything about rules or when it's time to do stuff, KEEP THEM HOME!!! It's not that we don't want to see the kids. We do. They can learn; they'd do fine if you'd let them. It's you we don't want to deal with. You are the one who ruins our day, who makes jobs with kids suck. Who sucks the life out of every good day ever had in child-care land. Ugh. You suck. Stay home!
Or fuck off. I'm cool, either way.
Friday, April 24, 2015
Bus stops and bitching
Here's a topic you'll hear about a lot… My views on parenting. What??? What??? Yeah. I know. I have a lot of opinions on it.
Here's what I want to know: Why are the parents of 10 year olds still hanging out at the bus stop?
No, no one is going to steal your kid. You have a much greater chance of killing that child while you blast down the road texting your BFF about margarita night. Honest. The whole child abduction thing... Yes, it sometimes happens. Sure. But not like we think it does. And I can pretty much guarantee, out of all the "attempted child luring" you hear about and the media freaks out about, most are made up. They almost always end up being a story fabricated by the kid. And while I'm not saying that means we shouldn't be diligent, I think our real diligence needs to be in educating our kids instead of helicoptering over them. Because interestingly, for all the "attempted lurings" we hear about, how many actual abductions are happening? Not many. The kids in the story always either walk or run away. That's it. Pretty easy. Or suspicious. Whichever.
Maybe what we could do is teach our children what to do if someone actually approaches them and tries to actually lure them or grab them or whatever. Like, hit the ground. Become a heavy weight. Kick. Scream. "YOU AREN'T MY DAD!!" That sort of shit. Maybe let's teach them to find an adult. How to choose a safe adult. Please don't tell them to find a cop. They are never going to find a cop, just walking along a residential street. Find a mom. Find a dad with kids. Find a group of parents. Find a safe adult, and know what that looks like. And if you don't think any adult is safe… well, you're screwed. Because hovering over them until they are 14, then suddenly releasing them into the wild, unsupervised and uneducated, is a recipe for disaster. Says me.
Here's what I want to know: Why are the parents of 10 year olds still hanging out at the bus stop?
No, no one is going to steal your kid. You have a much greater chance of killing that child while you blast down the road texting your BFF about margarita night. Honest. The whole child abduction thing... Yes, it sometimes happens. Sure. But not like we think it does. And I can pretty much guarantee, out of all the "attempted child luring" you hear about and the media freaks out about, most are made up. They almost always end up being a story fabricated by the kid. And while I'm not saying that means we shouldn't be diligent, I think our real diligence needs to be in educating our kids instead of helicoptering over them. Because interestingly, for all the "attempted lurings" we hear about, how many actual abductions are happening? Not many. The kids in the story always either walk or run away. That's it. Pretty easy. Or suspicious. Whichever.
Maybe what we could do is teach our children what to do if someone actually approaches them and tries to actually lure them or grab them or whatever. Like, hit the ground. Become a heavy weight. Kick. Scream. "YOU AREN'T MY DAD!!" That sort of shit. Maybe let's teach them to find an adult. How to choose a safe adult. Please don't tell them to find a cop. They are never going to find a cop, just walking along a residential street. Find a mom. Find a dad with kids. Find a group of parents. Find a safe adult, and know what that looks like. And if you don't think any adult is safe… well, you're screwed. Because hovering over them until they are 14, then suddenly releasing them into the wild, unsupervised and uneducated, is a recipe for disaster. Says me.
Gymnastics on redneck night
Sitting here, at gymnastics, learning a lot about people.
Most of it isn't great.
Here's a fun thing I overheard: "Ohh, you give her juice? Every since we found out our daughter had ADHD, we've been cutting back on juice. Now we send Diet Coke in her lunches and stuff instead."
Feel free to make that needle-scratch noise in your head. I did. I made a few other noises in my head, too. The daughter? Nine years old, maybe ten.
Holy cow. Yes, people are actually that stupid about nutrition. Diet Coke seems like a reasonable choice for your child???? I have a crazy idea… How 'bout water? Did water come up, um, ever? My kid has a refillable bottle that she keeps at school. It's steel, because I am still a helicopter mom, after all. No plastic for us. But yeah. Water. Works like a charm. So I send her lunch and she deals with hydration on her own.
OK, I'll admit that conversation wasn't as awesome as, "…at least Tim Bits have some fruit in them."
Yup. Overheard that at gymnastics, too. Boy, the Olympics in a few years are going to be mighty interesting. I think they may have to reinforce the uneven bars...
Most of it isn't great.
Here's a fun thing I overheard: "Ohh, you give her juice? Every since we found out our daughter had ADHD, we've been cutting back on juice. Now we send Diet Coke in her lunches and stuff instead."
Feel free to make that needle-scratch noise in your head. I did. I made a few other noises in my head, too. The daughter? Nine years old, maybe ten.
Holy cow. Yes, people are actually that stupid about nutrition. Diet Coke seems like a reasonable choice for your child???? I have a crazy idea… How 'bout water? Did water come up, um, ever? My kid has a refillable bottle that she keeps at school. It's steel, because I am still a helicopter mom, after all. No plastic for us. But yeah. Water. Works like a charm. So I send her lunch and she deals with hydration on her own.
OK, I'll admit that conversation wasn't as awesome as, "…at least Tim Bits have some fruit in them."
Yup. Overheard that at gymnastics, too. Boy, the Olympics in a few years are going to be mighty interesting. I think they may have to reinforce the uneven bars...
Baking hero cookies! Let me know if you need one.
You know what I'm tired of? Mommas who feel the need to tell complete strangers that they didn't take any drugs after their c-sections. Why do you think that is relevant? I don't know you. I could care less if you took advil or horse tranquilizers. Who are you??? Honestly, do you think I'm going to see you as some kind of hero? A superior wonder mom who makes me feel less than because you are just so… so… I don't know? Drug free?
Whatever. Given the choice, I'd take the drugs RIGHT NOW!!! But I'm not. I guess that makes me some kind of hero? No? Well, it should.
You know what I think? I think you are a smug bitch who is actually trying to make herself feel better by bleating about meaningless parenting crap because you secretly fear you are fucking up every other aspect of parenting. That's what I think. So, that backfired. I am now totally on to you.
We all fear that. So relax yourself and shut up about your drug free recovery. No one cares.
Next week, let's talk about the wonder of the drug-free birth… And how even you are totally fucking up your kids. Can't wait! See you then.
Whatever. Given the choice, I'd take the drugs RIGHT NOW!!! But I'm not. I guess that makes me some kind of hero? No? Well, it should.
You know what I think? I think you are a smug bitch who is actually trying to make herself feel better by bleating about meaningless parenting crap because you secretly fear you are fucking up every other aspect of parenting. That's what I think. So, that backfired. I am now totally on to you.
We all fear that. So relax yourself and shut up about your drug free recovery. No one cares.
Next week, let's talk about the wonder of the drug-free birth… And how even you are totally fucking up your kids. Can't wait! See you then.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Someday, you'll miss this...
Is there anything more annoying than hearing this when you are just trying to vent about your kids?
Yeah, thanks for that. I had no idea I'd one day miss all the chaos and little things about raising kids. I mean, I only actually burst into tears whenever I watch old baby videos. But seriously, no idea that I'd someday miss having kids around.
Thanks so much for your wisdom. If not for your smug and all-knowing platitude, oh wise master, I may have had a moment there of actually speaking like a normal adult. But I guess I'll go back to acting like everything is perfect (while secretly washing down antidepressants with red wine every night).
Oh, did I mention suck it? Yeah, you can suck it.
Go somewhere else to blow hard about rainbows and the joys of kid birthday parties. I got here first, and I'm bitching. Because I like it.
You know, I often think I don't have to medicate myself because I DO blow off steam. I get that there are people suffering from true mental illness. But I also suspect there are a lot of people just suffering from pure disillusionment and disappointment, who don't know what to do with it. But I know what to do! I rant and complain and discover how normal I am and feel like it's ok to throw things every now and again. I don't feel like I have to be perfect. I don't feel like I'm failing when I'm not being perfect. Listen up, ladies. It's ok to bitch once in awhile. It's ok to BE a bitch once in awhile. Never mind all this "be nice" shit that is forced on us. Be yourself. Be angry. Be happy. Be kinda bored. Be frustrated. Be joyful. Be weepy and overcome with love for those babies. Be whateverthehellyouwant to be. It's ok. You are ok. And stop reading all those damn blogs that make you feel like you suck if your kid isn't potty trained shortly after birth, but still nursing into adolescence. What? You didn't make them all natural granola bars with breast milk and the tears of your virgin self? Neither did I. Who cares. Just stop. And get the hell off pintrest. It's all lies. You are fine!!!
Anyway, I do KNOW that I will miss this one day. I look at my own momma, alone in a big house that was once a noisy nightmare of a home to four kids. She's alone now, and it's really damn quiet. She can vacuum, and the floor stays clean. She can redecorate, and the new stuff still looks new 6 months later. I know these years are coming - I pray that I'm around for them, actually. To miss out like my dad did… no. I will be here. But they look very different from now. And seeing her quiet makes me appreciate my noisy; my now. I LOVE my now. Love it. But there are days when I'm tired. When my legs are heavy, my eyes are heavy, and I just feel tired. And mad. And this morning I hit my head and yelled at my littlest because it hurt and she was trying to talk to me but all I could see were the stars from whopping my head so I yelled at her. Then I hugged her and told her I was sorry. Then I swore a bit. Whatever. These days are the days. THE days.
Yeah, thanks for that. I had no idea I'd one day miss all the chaos and little things about raising kids. I mean, I only actually burst into tears whenever I watch old baby videos. But seriously, no idea that I'd someday miss having kids around.
Thanks so much for your wisdom. If not for your smug and all-knowing platitude, oh wise master, I may have had a moment there of actually speaking like a normal adult. But I guess I'll go back to acting like everything is perfect (while secretly washing down antidepressants with red wine every night).
Oh, did I mention suck it? Yeah, you can suck it.
Go somewhere else to blow hard about rainbows and the joys of kid birthday parties. I got here first, and I'm bitching. Because I like it.
You know, I often think I don't have to medicate myself because I DO blow off steam. I get that there are people suffering from true mental illness. But I also suspect there are a lot of people just suffering from pure disillusionment and disappointment, who don't know what to do with it. But I know what to do! I rant and complain and discover how normal I am and feel like it's ok to throw things every now and again. I don't feel like I have to be perfect. I don't feel like I'm failing when I'm not being perfect. Listen up, ladies. It's ok to bitch once in awhile. It's ok to BE a bitch once in awhile. Never mind all this "be nice" shit that is forced on us. Be yourself. Be angry. Be happy. Be kinda bored. Be frustrated. Be joyful. Be weepy and overcome with love for those babies. Be whateverthehellyouwant to be. It's ok. You are ok. And stop reading all those damn blogs that make you feel like you suck if your kid isn't potty trained shortly after birth, but still nursing into adolescence. What? You didn't make them all natural granola bars with breast milk and the tears of your virgin self? Neither did I. Who cares. Just stop. And get the hell off pintrest. It's all lies. You are fine!!!
Anyway, I do KNOW that I will miss this one day. I look at my own momma, alone in a big house that was once a noisy nightmare of a home to four kids. She's alone now, and it's really damn quiet. She can vacuum, and the floor stays clean. She can redecorate, and the new stuff still looks new 6 months later. I know these years are coming - I pray that I'm around for them, actually. To miss out like my dad did… no. I will be here. But they look very different from now. And seeing her quiet makes me appreciate my noisy; my now. I LOVE my now. Love it. But there are days when I'm tired. When my legs are heavy, my eyes are heavy, and I just feel tired. And mad. And this morning I hit my head and yelled at my littlest because it hurt and she was trying to talk to me but all I could see were the stars from whopping my head so I yelled at her. Then I hugged her and told her I was sorry. Then I swore a bit. Whatever. These days are the days. THE days.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Snippets of Normal
Yup, so that's what we're calling it.
Snippets of normal.
I've noticed that blogging in the past is too damn much work. Too long. But tweeting is too short. And I'm sick of people stealing my shit on Facebook. Of course, putting it here won't help the stealing it there. But… whatever.
I'm also sick of the long debates Facebook generates. I say blue and we all freak out about what shade. Meh. At least here, the comments section is meant to be long. Or, partially ignored.
So, here I am. A blog in short snippet form. Where I can tell you the right way to think... Like me.
Snippets of normal.
I've noticed that blogging in the past is too damn much work. Too long. But tweeting is too short. And I'm sick of people stealing my shit on Facebook. Of course, putting it here won't help the stealing it there. But… whatever.
I'm also sick of the long debates Facebook generates. I say blue and we all freak out about what shade. Meh. At least here, the comments section is meant to be long. Or, partially ignored.
So, here I am. A blog in short snippet form. Where I can tell you the right way to think... Like me.
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